Do we let our jobs define us, and can they hinder our growth? I saw a quote that said, “You didn’t outgrow your job. You outgrew the lies you told yourself to stay there.”
I was in a job for eight years and found the above quote accurate. I didn’t realise just how many lies I had been telling myself until I got sick of my own (and others’) BS.
Let’s face it, there’s always an excuse – I get a good bonus, I’ve got a good pension, decent pay, or I don’t want to start over, especially at this age, late forties, approaching 50, and it feels scary to start again.
We can start to doubt ourselves when in a role for a long time and maybe even question our skills. Can I start again? Can I be bothered, or am I too old? However, it came to the point that I knew that if I didn’t leave now, it may never happen.
Do we let our jobs define us?
I do think we have a way of letting our jobs define us. It’s not surprising, really. More often than not, one of the first questions asked is, “What do you do”?
Our jobs can be the same as any other relationship – eight years is a long time if in a romantic relationship and can feel even longer if in the wrong one. A bad relationship can also bring with it insecurities and doubts.
The transition isn’t necessarily easy or linear. Coming out of a long-term relationship requires knowing who we are again outside of it. The problem is, when we tie our jobs to our identity, we can feel redundant in life and at a loss for what to do if that job comes to an end.
When I made the leap
Speaking of feeling redundant, I had the opportunity to take voluntary redundancy to exit said eight-year relationship. It was scary, but I knew it was time, and getting paid to leave was the best exit I could have.
The first four weeks, I felt like I had to run straight back out and work again even though I had money in the bank and was under no stress to do so. Although I leaped physically, the shift in mindset took a bit longer.
To be honest, all hell broke loose around this time. No sooner did I decide to take the voluntary redundancy and choose me (red or blue pill), my ceiling collapsed, and I had to move from my property for three months. It was like the decision to leap made my old reality, work and otherwise, literally crumble around me.
I took a contract for a couple of months and then went to Brazil for a trip of a lifetime. It was good to have the freedom of not having a job to return to, even though initially, the control freak in me wanted it sorted for my return and bank the money.
Being comfortable being uncomfortable
When things are uncertain, there are endless possibilities. That said, sitting with the discomfort and unknown and making uncertainty our friend is easier said than done but necessary, as that’s where the growth is.
Ultimately, uncertainty was the best thing that could have happened. As uncomfortable as it may be, it created a shift in mindset and made me think outside the box of the old paradigm. Many of us have become programmed into believing there is only one way to survive, but the aim is ascension to thrive.
Once I dared to leave, I realised the lies I had been feeding myself. If we want more and are not going to get it where we are, though it might be a risk and a freefall that may even mean a while without work, there is a lot to gain within this time that you can’t put a price on, but it does require a test of faith.
The shift
The reality is that the universe shifted me from that job by making it so uncomfortable that I had to move. The challenge I faced at work by way of an annoying employee was my opportunity to rise. I wanted to leave for a while but felt stuck, and although I have left jobs in the past with nothing to go to, I felt I couldn’t afford to do so now.
The backstory
There was the biggest annoyance at work. An employee in my team was not a team player. She was selfish, lazy and often off sick, even when working from home, and muggins here was picking up the slack. I moaned about the situation for a long time. I wondered why she wouldn’t leave as all she did was complain (but yet I was too). I mentioned it in my appraisal numerous times, but the situation didn’t change. Then, one day, due to her rudeness and lack of self-awareness, I reached my limit, and the situation became unbearable.
I then had an “aha” moment and reframed the situation. She wasn’t going anywhere, she had it “cushty” (her words), she was getting paid well for doing not much at all, had been there 18 years and was waiting for her pension, and to be honest, the job wasn’t worth fighting over anyway. The universe said, “Nah, bigger”.
I had the perfect opportunity. I realised that this woman wasn’t an annoyance but my greatest blessing. I manifested what I wanted but in the wildest way. I worked in an employment department for years, which involved lawyers advising clients on their settlement agreements. I always said I wanted one, jokingly, but not. The answer was right in front of me, and she was a reminder of what I didn’t want to turn into.
So, I approached my boss and said that I and another team member could no longer work together. Therefore, the best way to resolve it would be for them to give me a settlement agreement to allow me the time to seek suitable alternative employment. After some “reshuffling”, I took voluntary redundancy.
We need to focus on what we have to gain rather than what we have to lose
At times, instead of seeing something as an opportunity, we look at what we have to lose rather than all we have to gain.
A shift needed to happen – physically, mentally and spiritually. The months I had off work in stillness were what was needed to shed the old skin and step into the higher timeline of the new.
Initially, I felt I had to run straight back to work because it took a while to shake the mentality that no longer served me. I was still in an old pattern of thinking that was no longer serving me.
Returning from Brazil and having those few winter months of darkness was the shift in mindset needed. I focused on my blog and could see a clearer vision. It was through putting in this work that the next opportunities came to me for my career that took it in a completely new direction.
Being “redundant”
Many clients are naturally devasted when faced with redundancy as they are losing their jobs and income. However, when speaking to them months after, more often than not, it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to them. Most use it as an opportunity to change direction in their career or start a business.
Though my soul knew best, and I knew it was time for me to leave my job, and I was fortunate to have the choice and chose to make myself redundant, it was still scary. Our nervous system seems to prefer familiar hell over unfamiliar heaven. That said, what was even more frightening was going back to my desk.
As a huge chunk of our waking hours are at work, it naturally starts to shape how we see ourselves. The problem is that vision can become distorted, especially in the wrong environment. If you work in a toxic environment, it is more likely to change you than you are to change it.
The major hurdle is coming out of a scarcity mindset because there is an abundance of opportunities out there to be had. The excuses you are staying for are feeding into the lies that there is nothing better out there or, if there is, you’re not deserving of it.
Letting go of limited beliefs
To transform into our new reality and shed the serpent skin, we need to let go of the bare minimum, which meant not only leaving my job but also letting go of wanting to run straight back out to work and hold onto the redundancy money. This is a scarcity mindset, like telling myself it’s the only money I’m going to have.
Self-reflection
Don’t get me wrong, if you love your job and find meaning in it, that’s great. However, if your entire self-worth is tied to it, that’s when it can become dangerous – especially if you lose that job or want a change.
It helps to have passions and hobbies outside of work to build a sense of self that isn’t job-dependent. If I wasn’t already part-time and didn’t have my blog, for example, it may have been more of a struggle to leave.
If you are going through redundancy or want to change jobs/careers, this time presents an opportunity to look within and access the deeper aspects of ourselves that may have been previously overlooked. This time for self-reflection can be used to challenge any thinking patterns, actions and beliefs that we hold.
Taking a step back and allowing ourselves the gift of introspection and renewal can be a powerful strategy for personal and professional growth.
In this “spiritual hibernation”, we allow space for insight and wisdom to emerge, powerfully leading us to even greater potential than we could consciously create.
Some of us are so busy that we never stop to wonder if what we’re doing is what we truly want.
Or, we may knowingly be sacrificing our dreams rather than risk not having a steady income.
Sitting in discomfort is hard, and there is a time of limbo as we transition from the old life but are not quite in the new.
Let your soul guide you
Often, our higher self guidesus out of spaces where we’ve grown stagnant and nudges us towards roles that allow us to grow, expand, and align with our values.
It’s as if life is saying, “This chapter is complete. Let’s open up to something new.” Sometimes, our higher self knows we’ve outgrown our current path, but our conscious mind clings on – often out of comfort, financial security, or habit. So, if we don’t make that change voluntarily, the universe has a way of stepping in to help us along.
Leaving a job, especially after a significant amount of time, can be really difficult. Even if you know it’s the right decision. Here’s why:
Comfort & Routine
After numerous years, our job becomes familiar. We know the people, the processes, and what’s expected of us. Even if we’re unhappy, the predictability can feel safer than the unknown. Get out the comfy chair.
Fear of Change
We naturally resist change, especially when it involves uncertainty. A new job means starting over again – new colleagues, a different work culture, and the possibility of failure – all of which can feel overwhelming.
Emotional Attachment
We may have built relationships and friendships with colleagues. Leaving can feel like losing a part of our social life.
Identity & Self-Worth
Jobs often become part of our identity. After a long time in our role we might feel like it’s a key part of who we are, making it harder to walk away.
Fear of Starting Over
After working your way up, gaining respect, and understanding how everything works, starting fresh somewhere else can feel like taking a step backwards.
Financial Security
Even if a new job offers more money, there’s always that worry: What if it doesn’t work out? The fear of losing financial stability can make you second-guess leaving.
The ‘Sunk Cost’ Fallacy
You’ve invested so much time and effort into this job that it feels wasteful to leave. But staying just because you’ve been there so long isn’t a great reason to stick around.
Guilt & Loyalty
You might feel like you’re letting your team down, especially if you’ve built strong bonds or if your employer has treated you well. But remember: loyalty should go both ways, and you have to prioritise your own growth.
How to Make It Easier
- Remind yourself why you want to leave – Focus on the reasons you started considering a change in the first place.
- Acknowledge your emotions, but don’t let them trap you – It’s normal to feel torn, but don’t let fear or guilt hold you back from something better.
- Reframe it as a step forward, not a loss – Leaving doesn’t erase what you’ve gained from those years. You’re just moving to a new chapter.
- Have a plan – Whether it’s financial preparation, networking, or researching new opportunities, a plan will make the transition feel less scary.
Quantum shift your new reality
Our careers often bring stability, identity, and a sense of progress, so when this is suddenly taken away, it’s not just a financial hit but an emotional and spiritual one. From a higher perspective, however, these challenging moments often hold powerful messages. They can be a doorway to rediscovering our true path, aligning with our inner purpose, and creating space for new opportunities that better reflect who we truly are.
